


Crazy Water

by therumandcokediaries



Series: Even A Mandalorian... / Blue Moves [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Clan of two, Deep thought, Din Djarin Needs a Hug, Gen, Good Parent Din Djarin, Loneliness, ManDadlorian, Reflection, Self-Reflection, Solitude, Touch-Starved Din Djarin, Yearning, first fanfic for this fandom, mainly contemplation, not much action, sensory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:20:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therumandcokediaries/pseuds/therumandcokediaries
Summary: Even A Mandalorian Gets LonelyIt can be lonely being a Mandalorian. Even when you're not strictly alone anymore.Mando contemplates loneliness and yearning amongst his new-found companionship
Relationships: Din Djarin & Grogu | Baby Yoda
Series: Even A Mandalorian... / Blue Moves [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2183292
Comments: 3
Kudos: 35





	Crazy Water

**Author's Note:**

> It's been nearly six months since I last did any non-academic writing, so I know this is likely a little shaky/rusty! (Also please bear in mind, I haven't watched anything from the Star Wars universe other than The Mandalorian, so there's bound to be /something/ out of place, I'm sure!)
> 
> Because I'm out of practice, and this is my FIRST fanfiction for The Mandalorian, I'd really appreciate some comments. Take care everyone, and thank you for reading!

-

Din looked down at the tiny creature in his arms. It had been mewling at him for ages, almost shrieking, until he'd given in and lifted the creature into his arms.

"You're kinda needy sometimes" he said. "I think you just like being held sometimes... Does this really comfort you that much?"

Grogu simply snuggled against his chest, making a contented little noise. Maybe it _was_ a comfort. People were meant to be held sometimes, weren't they? It had to be the same for a lot of creatures. Grogu always seemed perfectly happy and comfortable in his arms. Din could barely remember the last time someone had put their arms round him. Something about it seemed so appealing sometimes. Enticing, even. Maybe not like this, with this level of size difference: Grogu was tiny enough to be held comfortably in two hands. But maybe just by someone the same size. Physical contact (at least outside of combat) wasn't really part of the Mandalor culture.

Din sighed. "You should go to sleep: it's getting late"

He stood up and tried to set the child down in the small hammock in the sleeping area.

"Hey, don't fuss like that. You need to learn to do as you're told. It's bedtime, ok?"

Grogu whined, but allowed himself to be put down. He looked up at Din with big eyes as a blanket was put over him.

"Now stay there. I don't want you wandering the ship at this time of night"

Seeing no further protests, he stepped back and shut the door of the sleeping area. He sighed, his mind starting to wander. What a life. He'd consigned himself to a life of solitude. You'd think he'd be used to it. But he wasn't alone now, not now he had the kid. Maybe it was the thought in retrospect that made the concept of loneliness seem so much more miserable.

-

Taking advantage of the quiet while the child slept, Din pulled off his helmet, blinking a little, and then removed the rest of his armour. And then everything else. It was only when he wasn't wearing it that he realised just how heavy his daily attire was, and how much of it there was: it made quite a mountain of itself on the ground. He set a cleaning spray on it, barely paying attention. He stretched, causing a series of satisfying cracks down his spine and across his shoulders. He looked down at his helmet, staring back at him. It always felt a bit strange looking at it, as though he were just looking at his reflection; looking at himself. It was as much a part of him as his own skin.   
He shook his head slightly and stepped into the shower, pulling the curtain round and turning the water on. It was freezing at first - it often took up to two minutes to heat up - but Din didn't mind: it was energising. Refreshing. Part of the routine, at least.  
Still, it was good when it warmed up. He turned up the heat, letting the hot water wash over him. He needed it. It had been tough lately, and he was sore and tense. He rubbed his lower back, digging his thumbs in to try to relieve the tension. His shoulders hurt too, but at least he felt lighter now he was undressed. The water beat down on his back hard enough to be painful. It would wear off soon enough, leaving a numb feeling behind. This was the way it always was.

Somehow, today, he couldn't seem to get going. For a while he just stood there, feeling the water, watching as the steam rose and obscured his view. His mind was trying to go somewhere and not quite reaching it, like a man lurching drunkenly down a hallway.   
' _I should really hurry up_ ' He thought to himself.  
Eventually he did, reaching for the soap and rough sponge on the ledge. There was a softer one somewhere, but he wasn't entirely sure where. He had a feeling Grogu had adopted it as a toy at some point. Things had a habit of going missing after the child took a liking to them. Still, sometimes a rougher sponge was better. It proved to be the case tonight. He breathed in deeply, feeling lighter still. The scent filling the steam in the shower was refreshing, the cooling sensation from the mint and tea tree soothing his muscles. He tried to focus on that, and not the niggling vulnerability that always seemed to plague him whenever he took his armour off. He always felt so much smaller this way.

-

The ship seemed much too quiet when he finally shut the water off. The gurgle of the plughole broke the silence, echoing slightly. Din pushing his hands back over his head, squeezing some of the water out of his hair before sighing somewhat contentedly and pulling back the shower curtain. As frequently as it was done, he always felt so much calmer after washing. That post-shower clarity always made everything feel a lot less heavy.  
He wound a towel round his waist and grabbed another to dry his face. While doing so, he suddenly sensed something, like he was being watched. He dropped the towel abruptly, glancing out of the corner of his eye. A couple of metres away, a small creature stood. For a moment, Din froze, and then he turned his back so abruptly that he stumbled over the step between the floor and shower, only just managing to catch himself on the back shower wall.

"I told you to stay in bed!" he all but shouted. "I'm risking everything for you; the least you could do is listen to me!"

He felt his chest tighten as he heard the child's wail and the patter of his little feet retreating. Slowly, he straightened, stepping back out of the shower and picking up the discarded towel. He turned and looked at the spot where the child had been, his heart still thudding hard behind his ribcage. He could hear it beating in his ears. He swallowed hard and sat down heavily on the ledge below the towel hooks, throwing the small towel roughly over his head. Had the kid seen him? His face? He hadn't been at the best angle; he probably only saw him side-on, if that, but it had still got his guard up. He didn't know how long he'd been standing there for. He probably didn't understand; he was only a kid.  
He wouldn't have been misbehaving, not really, not intentionally. He probably just wanted a bit of attention, Din knew that. Not that it made a different to how he felt. He didn't feel great for scaring the poor kid, adding a wave of guilt to his already uncertain state. He'd just wanted a bit of comfort...

Din's mind returned to comfort once more. How could his contact mean that much to the child? Sure, they were connected now, in their little clan of two, but Din was hardly an expert in the field of personal relations. When had his skin last touched another's? He was always so well covered. Opponents got close, obviously, but that was different - and though they sometimes damaged it, they didn't actually _touch_ his skin. He held Grogu often enough, but he always had his gloves on. In fact, the only person who knew his skin was himself. He rubbed his bottom lip, annoyed at himself for allowing his mind to wander to the old habit of deep thought. Not that he could stop it. Not when he felt like this.

He touched the stubble on his face, looking over at the pile of armour opposite him. He tore his eyes away, tracing his collarbone, his shoulder, and then his neck. Gently, just barely touching, but enough to feel, to wake his senses. It felt nice, in a strange way. He traced his features gently with his fingertips, until his senses startled and he pressed down on the area quickly to stop the strange tickling sensation he'd caused. He shifted, swallowed, sighed, not sure why his mood had insisted on doing such a u-turn. He sat back, resting his head against the wall. He rested his left hand on his right shoulder, still damp from the shower. Cold, contrasting to the warmth of his chest. Still heated, though, pink, leaving a white border where his hand rested. He could feel his heartbeat under his forearm, a sure sign of consistency. He closed his eyes, just for a moment.

-

Din startled when he woke, his heart thumping hard for a moment or two before he realised where he was. How did that happen? Jeez, how long had he even been asleep for? Everything felt blurry and hot. He covered his face for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut, and then pulled the towel off his head. His hair was still damp, but the rest of him was mostly dry. He could have only been out for ten minutes, for all he knew. He hauled himself to his feet, yawning. He should probably get dressed and then go and have a proper rest. He felt wobbly, a hollow feeling in his stomach. Hopefully he'd feel better once he was sorted. 

He did feel a bit better when he was less exposed. Tonight, he didn't especially want all his kit on, but he couldn't help feeling slightly paranoid and wanting to make sure he was prepared if he was woken up for some unsavoury reason during the night. He pulled on everything but his helmet, feeling strangely comforted by the weight on his shoulders. He felt ok. Clean, definitely, which was always nice anyway. He dried his hair as best he could and reached for his toothbrush.  
He'd acquired a mirror recently. Usually he'd made do with any reflective surface, so the clarity of the mirror was still taking some getting used to. It had it uses, but it always felt a little like looking at a stranger. It as like the age-old question: If a tree falls and there's no one to hear it, does it make a sound? If there's a face that no one sees, is it really there? There was strength in anonymity, that was the teaching. No living that had seen Din's face for decades. No one but himself.

-

Finally he pulled his helmet back on, his eyes twitching as he adjusted to the changing light. He breathed out, feeling oddly at home now it was back on. He went to the sleeping area and opened the door. Grogu was in the back corner, ears down, looking quite miserable and a bit cross too.

"Hey, little one" Din sighed, climbing onto the bed. "What are you doing back there?"

Grogu just looked at him, big eyes glistening with the remnants of tears.

"...I'm sorry I scared you. I didn't mean what I said... I didn't mean to shout at you" he went to pick him up, but the child wouldn't let him. "You... A Mandalorian can't show his face. Not to anyone. So seeing you there got me on high alert... I don't think you really saw, did you?"

Grogu lifted his head, his ears pricking up. Din tried to pick him up again, and this time, the child allowed it. Din held him against his chest, cradling him carefully.

"We should get some rest"

He struggled round, still holding the child with one hand, adjusting until he could lie down on his back, the child still on his chest. He pulled a blanket round his legs and turned the fan on, settling down. He was quiet for a moment or two, listening to Grogu croaking. He thought for a moment, and then slowly pulled his gloves off. He didn't suppose they were all that important. It would help keep him cool, at least. He looked down at the child, stroking his little forehead with the back of one finger, feeling close and connected to him now.

"You forgive me, right?"

Grogu reached out and grabbed Din's finger with one tiny hand, crowing happily.

"I'll take that as a yes"

*


End file.
